Sarcastic Center
No I’m not going to answer, so I’m just going to continue ignoring her and go straight to the post we have. If she does contact you, please just tell her – no I don’t want to meet to go over anything and yes I’m still in Nigeria where nothing happens.
Now you people think that most of the mad people are out on the streets. It’s actually a lie. The one that wrote this for instance – confirmed looney. But then again, so are the rest of us on the team.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Caitlyns and Wendy Williamses, welcome back @TheGreyGenesis
*******
*Pastor dances onto Altar while choir chants Hosanna*
Pastor: Praaaaaaise the Lord! It’s testimony time. With me on the altar today is Brother Chidi. Bro Chidi, please share what the Lord has done for you with us today.
Bro Chidi: Prai -Prai – Praaaaaaise the Lord!
Pastor remember when you asked us to see the positive sides of dreams and believe with all of our hearts that they would come to pass?
Pastor: Uhm, I think so… yes. go on.
Bro Chidi: Well Pastor, I’ve realised that truly, when the Lord is about to bless you tremendously, it will come as a dream.
Pastor: Yes, yes. When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, they were as those who dreamed! Go on Bro, Go on!
Bro Chidi: Pastor at the beginning, I had no job, nowhere to stay, no money, no happiness, no love, no food, no clothes, no life, no—
Pastor: errr… *chuckles nervously* But then the Lord came to your aid?
Bro Chidi: well, then one day on my way to Church, I received a phone call. It was one of the most profitable international huuuuge ICT companies I had applied to work with for years with no results…
Pastor: (sensing miraculous punchline coming) SOMEBODY SHOUT GLORAAAAY!
Congregation: Gloryyyyyyy!
Pastor: Go on brother Chidi.
Bro Chidi: Well, they were only calling to let me know that not only was I unqualified for the job, but that I wasn’t the type of person their Company would ever hire. Ever.
Pastor: It is well o.
Bro Chidi: Yes Pastor. So there I was, dejected and feeling depressed after the call. Then a thought hit me. I realised I recognised the voice of the company’s caller. Sounded like the voice of Uche, an old University mate from waaaaay back. So I impulsively dialled the number back. To my surprise it was him. He was so happy to hear from me when I reintroduced myself. He only knew me as ‘Chidoski the Lowski’ back in school. Uche was now the Vice President of the company’s HR Department. In summary Pastor, after meeting up with Uche a week later, I explained my plight to him, and he promptly approved the position for me. Pastor, I received my appointment letter as a P.R ambassador to this multibillion $ company. Complete with 6 figure salary, a brand new apartment in Lekki, and a brand new Range Rover Sports as bonus package!
*Congregation goes Berserk*
*Pastor rolls around on Altar in celebration*
*Choir screams lyrics of I have seen the downfall of Satan*
Pastor: SOMEBODY SHOUT I AM NEXT IN LIIIIIIINE!!!
*Congregation screams*
Pastor: Glorayyyy!!! See the bless–
Bro Chidi: I’m not done sir, there’s more.
Pastor: There’s more? Wow
Bro Chidi: Some months after I started working there, I met the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen in my life. And we started dating…
Pastor and Congregation: Oh yeah?
AHHH OSHEYYYY
Bro Chidi: Then we started courting…
Pastor and Congregation: yeah?
Bro Chidi: (abashed grin) Did I forget to mention she’s the only daughter of the Company’s CEO.
Pastor: SOMEBODY SHOUT GLORAYYYY!
Congregation: Gloryyyyyyy!!!
Bro Chidi: A year later, we relocated to the United States where I was made the GM of our large unit there.
Pastor: *jumps on Bro Chidi in bear hug* GLORAAAAY!!!
Bro Chidi: Then we got married. Another year later, my wife gave birth to a set of twins. Beautiful boy and girl!
Pastor: (In call and response sing-song voice) I. AM. NEXT IN LINE!
Congregation: IAMNEXTINLIIIIIINE!!!
Pastor: JUST LIKE BROTHER CHIDOSKI…
Congregation: JUSTLIKEBROTHERCHIDOOOOOOSKI!!!
Pastor: THE LOWSKI…
Congregation: THELOWSKI
Pastor: WHOM THE HOLY GHOSTY
Congregation: WHOXGVQXZPGKQQQJPVZ
Pastor: HAS MADE HIGHSKI…
*Ushers rush on Altar and lift Brother Chidi to their shoulders and start dancing*
*choir begins Kpoyommemma praise and worship song*
*Congregation goes Apeshit for 15 minutes STRAIGHT*
Pastor: Now let’s calm down. Calm down as Brother Chidi concludes his AMAZING testimony!
Bro Chidi: Yes Pastor, thank you Pastor. Soooooooo, these are all the things the Lord did for me in the dream.
*Church goes Deathly quiet*
Pastor: wait, wait, whaaaaaaa-?
Bro Chidi: I slept yesterday with no job, nowhere to stay, no money, no happiness, no love, no food, no clothes, no life but the Lord gave me this wonderful dream and I woke up this morning still in the same state but now I’m feeling hopeful. I just know my dream can come true.
Pastor: *clutches chest* So all that money? The Tith… The company? They’re not real—
Bro Chidi: It was all a dream Pastor. It was all a dream .
IS THIS ONE NOT MAD LIKE THIS?
THE END.
NO SERIOUSLY, IT’S THE END
FOR REAL.
THE END.
******
The most annoying thing of Grey’s stories is how he keeps you wanting more. Like you get to the end and you want to turn the ‘page’ over, or flip to side B,but nah, you’ve gotta come back next time. Have you had such a dreamy experience? Something you know will happen soon but people think you’re just foo…sorry gotta run, the boo (Rihanna is calling me)
